Dating Tips and Advice: Speak in the Language She Understands

I have been away from my post and I’m sorry…but, I am a little caught up in the getting my new book “Before I Say I Do…” ready for release.  I’ll be announcing the winner of the Complimentary Signed Copy on Monday, October 1st.  So, I hope you subscribed to this blog for your chance to win!

Now for the topic at hand…

Recently, I experienced a bit of a “misunderstanding” with my beau.  Rather than become defensive, I sought to understand his point of view.  I always believe that when you try to understand, you in return will be understood by your partner.

Anyway, in previous conversations he affirmed his love and commitment.  I listened and didn’t doubt for a moment that he was telling me the truth.  But the real truth is we as women are believers of what we see demonstrated in our relationships.  We love receiving the affirmations, but we are over the top happy when he shows us his affection.  Am I right, ladies?

BOOK RELEASE: “Before I Say I Do…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded”

It’s almost here!

A book about relationships that make to the altar…

A Spirit-guided tour of becoming “Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded”(tm).   Spiritual Principles that transform you and your relationships.

Book Release, “BEFORE I SAY I DO…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded”

September 14, 2012

Available through Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

 

Let me ask you something…
If you were to propose to yourself, right now, would you say YES?
What would you being say YES to?
Would you marry yourself right now?

Attracting the “Perfect” life partner is not about seeking perfection in another person.
Neither is it about being perfect for them.
Marriage isn’t for everyone – or, is it?

The journey of finding true love begins within you!
Before you say “I Do” to anyone, you must first take a long hard look at yourself to see if there is anything that stands in the way of your ultimate happiness.

Hidden demons not faced…patterns of behavior that have stalled previous relationships…insecurities that you have not overcome.

The pathway to marriage begins with being blissfully single.

BEFORE I SAY I DO…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded opens Pandora’s Box and helps you discover your truest most loving gift – You!

Being your absolute best allows you to attract a partner that will reflect that back to you — Isn’t that what we all want?

Take this journey to become “Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded!”(tm)

A Book About Relationships: “Before I Say I Do…” – Book Release 9/14

The final question of your single life will be asked at the alter as you stand before your chosen life partner.  You will listen attentively with the answer at your lips ready to blurt out “I DO!”  And, you will disappear into marital bliss…at least, that is what you hope.

Of course, I’m making light of this, as witnessing the marriage ceremony is a sacred affair.

Getting to that coveted spot before the officiant and your beloved is a journey that began with an encounter.  That is what my new book release is all about  – the journey to the all important question that will change your name (as a woman) and your life!

What do you do before you say “I Do”?

Find out on September 14, 2012 – Subscribe to this blog and become a Facebook Fan and you qualify to win One of 10 autographed copies of my new book “BEFORE I SAY I DO…The Journey from Singleness to Togetherness
TELL  US ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY FROM SINGLENESS TO TOGETHERNESS

In the comments section, or on our Facebook Fanpage, answer this question and it could be featured in the book BEFORE I SAY I DO…The Journey from Singleness to Togetherness

Question:  What was the most challenging change YOU had to make in your relationship to help it move to the “commitment” level?

Please keep it 250 words or less.

 

 

 

Whatever Makes You Happy…

Often times, we go into the relationship and dating arena expecting that the other person will make us happy.  We inadvertently place the responsibility upon them that they somehow are to magically make us happy.  Here’s a news flash!  “It is not the responsibility of another person to make us happy.”  We alone are responsible for our own happiness.  You may be thinking, “but, Kim, being with someone special makes me happy…”  —  Maybe so, but without that person, are you still happy?

Too many disappointments happen because we expect our happiness to be supplied from someone outside of ourselves.  When we come to the table filled with joy, happiness, and love, that is all we can give and that is all we expect to experience.

Sometimes, not all, we place the burden of our expectations on another when they are not equipped to handle them.  They haven’t filled themselves with all that we expect of them, so they are unable to deliver.  Then we become disappointed and start blaming them for our unhappiness.

Find your own happiness…within you!  Then, and only then can you move through your life experiencing the kind of relationship that is a match.  When we feel whole, complete, and ready, we will attract someone who is a reflection of those qualities.  Start appreciating within yourself the qualities that you seek in someone else, and when he/she appears you will see those qualities.  But, when you go in looking for deficiencies, you will see only that…and, let me remind you that when you are in this state, the person you attract will only magnify the deficient qualities you possess within yourself. (please feel free to reread this sentence, it’s a doozy!)

Whatever makes you happy…should be your mantra for yourself and your partner.  It is only in the state of individual attainment of happiness that you can experience a happy relationship together.  The only expectation you should make of anyone else is that they be happy…whatever that means to them.

A Woman Like Me…will seek to fulfill her life with all the love, joy, and happiness she can first realize on her own, because she knows that she will only attract who she is.

Relationships and Dating: Home Is Where the Heart Is…

Ahhhh!!! This feels like home…

This is the ultimate relationship experience; feeling like you’re home with the one you love.

Isn’t this the goal of the whole relationship and dating thing?

You have no inhibitions; you can express your feelings in a way that they know exactly how you feel without blame.  You both really enjoy being in each other’s company, most of the time.

At the end of the day, you know you’re with the right one…the only one for you!

Seems like a dream, but, it’s not…it’s possible for you even if you haven’t experienced it yet.  What I believe happens is when you get real and comfortable with yourself, it is easy to have this kind of “home” grown feeling with your partner.  How?  By releasing yourself from unreasonable expectations of what your relationship should be and accepting it for what it is…where it is in its growth.  Force never works!  It  acts as a man repellent and the minute he feels like you’re trying to convincing, coerce, or force the situation, he leaves emotionally and sometimes, physically.

Relaxing is key – even in the most stressful of situations…staying relaxed and calm will act like magnet to him and he will be attracted to your drama-free demeanor.  Trust me on this, Ladies, it is worth it to just keep your emotions in tact and help him to relax into you.  So that you both can create a space of comfort between you.  After, isn’t that what home is?  A place of comfort and security?  When we have a tough day at work, we can’t wait to get home where we can relax.  The same in our relationships — we look forward to the moment when we can curl and cuddle up in the arms of the one who makes us feel comfort and secure.

A Woman Like Me…relaxes, retreats, and restore balance, comfort, and security in the relationship even when things are in turmoil.  She allows her man to come home to her heart and rest.

 

My Alpha-Man: Take Charge, Take Care, Take Notice

Most women I know, there are exceptions, are really care-givers when it comes to the needs of other people.  We often want to make sure that everything is comfortable, okay, and drama-free.  When there is any upheaval, we instantly want to run to the rescue and “fix-it” so that normalcy is restored.

We are the same in our relationships…but, believe it or not, this has the reverse effect. Normalcy is not restored and the problems is worsened.  “Why is this?  Why can’t my wanting to help my man fix our relationship problems be a good thing?  Besides this is what I’m here for…to be his helpmeet, right?”  These are questions that we all ask ourselves at one time or another.

Most men, not all, are what we have come to term as “Alpha Men”. These are men who are strong leaders in every aspect of their lives.  They want to fix the problems, lead the direction of the relationship (at their pace), and make their women happy.  They are Super-Men wanting to save the day.

Dating Tips: Are You Dating His/Her Potential?

I had a funny thought this week – what if the potential you think exists in a significant other, doesn’t really exist?

What if all the time you invested in the “potential” of your partner is never realized in the relationship? Would you consider it a waste of time, or would you consider it a lesson learned?

Well, here is my take on the subject…

We all have potential to be better people, better lovers, better friends, etc.  But sometimes being better requires more of us than we are willing to commit to…it’s just too damn hard.  So, we settle for being lazy with the hope that our partners will take us as we are.  Most of the time, they do.  The problem with that is, eventually, we begin to change and that evolution can provoke conflict with our partners.  Growing pains are a pain in the wa-zoo!

You, Me, & We – Is Three a Crowd?

Over the weekend, some family and friends gathered at my Dad’s house for a BBQ.  We all played cards, dominoes, and engaged in some interesting conversations.  We began talking about relationships…I don’t know why, but this always seems to be the discussion that inspires the most emotionally charged participation.

Afterward, I began to really think about the concept of building a relationship, and as I have written about in many posts and my book  A Woman Like Me…A Man Like You, I discovered a new revelation that I will share here.

When two people come together in a union whether its legally binding or not, it is more than just about the two people.  There is a third person, or entity, that being brought into the equation that is often overlooked and sometimes ignored…that entity is ‘WE’.

‘WE’ is the compromise between YOU and ME.  WE is the stability that builds the relationship and grows it.  Whenever there is no growth in the relationship, stop and take at look at how much attention YOU and ME have paid to WE.

Are You the ONE? Dating Exclusively or Exploring Options

Exclusivity – is there really such a thing in the 21st century when it comes to relationships?  Great question!  I don’t know if  I have the answer, but I do have an opinion.

Those who are seeking a serious, monogamous relationships want to rule out the many-t0-one option.  But, this is somewhat of an oxy-moron that poses a challenge in finding Mr/Ms Right…if, they exist.

It takes dating many people to finding one that interest you enough to stick to the long-term ideals you have about being in a committed relationship.  It is this author’s opinion that commitment first begins with a decision to be honest and open about what the expectations are for the relationship.

Absence Makes What???

No doubt that absence makes the heart grow fonder, or does it?

Sure, every once in a while the one that makes your heart pound harder and faster is not around and you get a case of the “misses”; it’s normal.  Everyone of us who has loved or been in love has experienced that gap in communication with our significant other and felt a need to be close.  When they re-emerge in our lives, we are that much more attached, or are we?

I think that every relationship is unique and each individual in that union handles things a little differently when it comes to dealing with “gaps” or absenteeism.  It boils down to the matter of trust and how trustworthy the relationship in its foundation.

Sometimes the space is much needed and both individuals to grow and mature so they have more substance to add to the relationship.  Other times, it’s more about our human nature to wonder if there is something better out there and our wandering eye just wants to wander a bit, without of course, crossing the line.

I feel that with established boundaries set in place, a healthy amount of time apart is necessary to keep things fresh.  However, when the time apart is more than the time together, we have an issue…and that is, where the problems begin to surface.  What is it that is creating the space?  What is it that keeps the other person away from you and you from them?  It’s time to re-think what is at the core of the problem.

To sum it up, it’s okay to miss the one you love when they take a business trip, or leave for a few days to take care of family emergencies, or even to hang out with the guys for a little “innocent” fun.  But, when it the gap is extended for weeks and months at a time, re-evaluate the relationship and discuss the direction…it could be that you are now on two different paths and there needs to be a resolution and resignation.

A Woman Like Me…understands that space is needed to grow, both as a couple and individually and we open ourselves us to do that in our relationships.