I have been away from my post and I’m sorry…but, I am a little caught up in the getting my new book “Before I Say I Do…” ready for release. I’ll be announcing the winner of the Complimentary Signed Copy on Monday, October 1st. So, I hope you subscribed to this blog for your chance to win!
Now for the topic at hand…
Recently, I experienced a bit of a “misunderstanding” with my beau. Rather than become defensive, I sought to understand his point of view. I always believe that when you try to understand, you in return will be understood by your partner.
Anyway, in previous conversations he affirmed his love and commitment. I listened and didn’t doubt for a moment that he was telling me the truth. But the real truth is we as women are believers of what we see demonstrated in our relationships. We love receiving the affirmations, but we are over the top happy when he shows us his affection. Am I right, ladies?
Fast-forward to the recent conversation, I wanted another restatement of what he said and he became angry with me, saying that “Didn’t I tell you that already?” I could hear his tone become frustrated and I was expecting him to shut down any moment. So, I quickly and sheepishly said, “Yes…and Babe, I believe every word, but I need you to listen to what I am asking you. I don’t think like you, I don’t communicate like you, I’m a woman, and I need to be showed in some small way. Will you consider my needs?” The transformation in his defensive demeanor was amazing to experience. His defenses were dismantled and he began to hear me, and he understood and wanted to comply with my request. I dropped the subject after I made my plea, and we went on to discuss other things. I did not badger him about what I wanted him to do, or what I thought he didn’t do.
A few days later, I received the most beautiful flowers and card that had three simple words: “I heard you...”
Most men think that when they say something, it is heard and received completely without reservation. They don’t like repeating themselves and they feel that when they make a statement that is their solution. They don’t realize the core needs of a woman to have affection demonstrated. So, here is where we as women must be more intuitive in our relationships and convey what we need without it coming across as an order. We must do it in a way that permits a man to respond in his time…it’s important for him to think the whole thing was his idea. If he has deep feelings for you, it is his primary objective to please you, and sometimes he doesn’t always know how to do that in a way that we fully understand.
Ladies, you have to give your man a helping hand in giving you what you want from him. I know, we want them to figure it all out, well, get over it and realize that most men don’t have a clue how to really please a woman. [Sorry men, just trying to be honest] But, in their defense, they try really hard and we (ladies) must give them a chance to do it without criticism.
The easiest way I remember the rules of engagement of a relationship is this:
“Women need to be showed, and Men need to be told”.
Men, show your woman how much she means to you through displays of affections.
Ladies, show your man how much he means by telling him how much you appreciate the little things, show him respect and allow him the opportunity to fix the problem without help.
This will ensure that everyone is speaking the love language we all understand.
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